GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS ACT!!

STOP ELDER ABUSE!

PLEASE REMEMBER THE WAY YOU TREAT YOUR ELDERLY PARENTS NOW, IS THE WAY YOUR CHILDREN WILL TREAT YOU WHEN YOU BECOME AN ELDERLY PARENT IN FUTURE.

I have an entirely different thoughts and approach to this matter.

An elderly parent is someone who should be in the age group of 65 years and is possibly sailing through the last one or two decades of his life journey. In all these 65 years of his age, he has acquired certain attitude, habits, temper, behavior, outlook which is rock solid and cannot be changed at this final stage of his life.

So, if this cannot be changed, we should be willing to change as his son or daughter. In other words, there is no need to handle an elderly parent’s bad temper. Instead, you need to handle your own temper and patience to pave a way for a healthy relationship with your parents and prove yourself a worthy son or daughter at least during their last few years of life left for them.

YOUR ELDERLY PARENTS DESERVE TO LIVE A DIGNIFIED AND RESPECTFUL LIFE AND YOU OWE IT TO THEM- UNDER ALL CIRCUMSTANCES.

To provide them a life, full of dignity, grace and respect – you need to watch your own temper and act in the following manner:

  1. Recognize and accept that they cannot change their habits and temper at the age of 65+.
  2. Love your elderly parents for whatever they are. If you love them, you can easily overcome most of your difficulties in dealing with their bad temper.
  3. Live with the mindset that since you cannot change their behavior, it will be prudent to change your own behavior.
  4. Always remember, your own son or daughter is observing you carefully (even in subconscious) and when you become an elderly parent – They will treat you exactly the way you have treated your own elderly parents.

YES !! THIS IS LAW OF NATURE.

WHAT YOU GIVE IS RETURNED TO YOU IN THE LAST PHASE OF YOUR LIFE, IF NOT EARLY.

I have seen this happening. Please remember this.

  1. 5. Age and illness can intensify longstanding personality traits in some unpleasant ways: an irritable person may become enraged, an important person demanding and impossible to please.

Please try to intensify the cause of anger. In most elderly individuals, behavior are symptoms of distress. The aging process in and of itself sometimes brings about anger, as senior’s vent frustrations about getting old, having chronic pain,losing friends,having money issues,being incontinent- all the undignified things can happen to elderly parents at this age.

With the aging process, our parents do not have control. As a care giver, the best thing you can do is not to take it personally. Focus on the positive, ignore the negative, and take a break from care giving when you can by finding some respite. You might also want to consider in some cases, calling in a home health nurse.

  1. 6. I know a family where an elderly parents were staying under the care of their youngest son and overall, they were passing off a happy life, except a few bad experiences. The second son of elderly parents had his own vested interest In the village and he compelled his parents to come to the village on a clear promise that he would look after his old parents there. When he got his work done through the help of his elderly parents, he started neglecting them completely. This matter did not end here. Son also started hitting his old parents- this was unbelievable and shocking. The father went through this physical and mental torture for nearly four months and ultimately lost his life.

It is my humble appeal and request to all the sons that please never, never, never do such cowardly acts in your life.

GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU, AND YOU WILL HAVE TO PAY ITS PRICE IN YOUR LIFE TIME.

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UNBELIEVABLE! UNFORTUNATE! UNFORGETTABLE! CAN YOU EVER THINK OF LOSING YOUR LIFE OVER 2 RUPEE CHANGE.

YES, OVER JUST “RUPEE 2” CHANGE!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

Well, whether you believe it or not, but it’s a true story. An argument over change of rupee 2 has cost the life pf a 26- year old Mumbai boy. Vijay Kumar (name changed) BBA graduate who had recently taken up a job in an accountancy firm, was returning home after flying down from goa, his first air trip.

He was very fond of flying. On a Saturday morning, he took a Shatabdi train from Mumbai to Mudgaon and after being in Goa for a few hours, took 11 pm Goa-Mumbai flight. At the airport, he took an autorickshaw for home. The unfortunate incident took place after he alighted.

Around 1 a.m. on Monday, Vijay arrived home with a haversack and knocked on the door. His father opened the door and Vijay asked his father a change of Rs 200 , so that he could pay the fare. His father gave him the money and he went down. When he did not come back after 5 minutes, his father got worried and he went down to see what the matter was. There was an argument going on between Vijay and the auto driver.

It transpired later that the fare had come to Rs 172. Vijay had given the driver Rs 200 and the driver was supposed to return Rs 28. But he returned only Rs 20.

The two were arguing. The auto driver was saying that either vijay give an extra Rs 2 (that is driver was ready to give Rs 10 more, making the return amount Rs 30 ) or forget about Rs 8 . During the argument, Vijay told the driver to keep Rs 8  and started walking back towards his home. But then, the auto driver passed a sarcastic remark and also uttered something abusive. This sparked a rage in Vijay. He chased the auto and caught hold of an iron rod. In the process, the auto toppled with Vijay coming under it.

At this, Vijay’s father rushed towards the auto. Seeing Vijay’s father coming towards him, the auto driver fled the scene instead of coming to the injured youth’s help. Bizarrely, the driver ran straight to the police station and complained that he was being beaten up. Meanwhile, Vijay’s father and a few neighbors took Vijay to a nearby hospital, where he was declared dead within a few hours of admission.

Doctors said Vijay suffered a head injury when he fell. Also, when  auto fell on him, this injury got compounded, apart from his suffering other injuries.

Vijay is survived by his parents and a younger brother. The nature of his death has shaken everybody.

IT IS A LIVE EXAMPLE OF HOW THE SPARK OF A SUDDEN RAGE CAN CUT SHORT SOMEBODY’S LIFE BECAUSE OF SUCH CIRCUMSTANCES.

THINK ABOUT IT!! THINK ABOUT IT!!

I WOULD EXPECT YOUR COMMENTS.

IS IT A PROFESSIONAL BEHAVIOR?

Managers should strive to be role models, setting an example of a mature professional behavior. Unfortunately. however, some managers exactly do the opposite. These immature individuals refuse to control their emotions and freely vent their frustrations by yelling at employees. Amazingly, their own bosses seldom see this childish behavior. If you are stuck with one of these stress-inducing Managers, you may follow these coping suggestions.

1. Accept the fact that you have an immature manager. Lower your expectations. This boss is never going to be wise, mature mentors of your dreams. So just expect him to act like a tantrum-throwing two-year-old boy.If you develop this mindset,you will not be disappointed.

2. Don’t take it personally, Bad tempered bosses yell at everyone except people who have more power. So, remember that this has nothing to do with you personally.

3. Don’t respond in kind- yelling back at your bad-tempered boss will only escalate this situation, and since this person has some power over you, that could affect your career adversely. This may not be fair but it is a fact.

4. Remember that one of you needs to act like an adult. That must be you. If two people act like children, the result is a playground fight. Since your manager is already acting like a kid, you are the only one left who can keep the situation under control.

5. Wait until the dust settles down: If you don’t feed the fire, the managerial temper tantrum will gradually recede. You cant have a rational conversation with an angry person. So, keep your responses neutral and minimal until she/he burns herself/ himself out.

6. But- if your boss crosses the line and becomes abusive, talk to HR head or Higher management.

7. A HOTHEAD MANAGER IS ONE THING, BUT AN ABUSIVE BOSS IS ANOTHER. If your manager’s behavior is extreme or causes ongoing emotional stress, you need to talk with someone. Companies should not tolerate such managers. So, someone in HR or upper management must know this.

8. AND IF THE SITUATION STILL DOES NOT IMPROVE, GET OUT OF THERE, Perhaps, you can learn to cope with the situation. Or perhaps you can change it. But, if neither seems possible, YOU NEED TO FIND A MORE PROFESSIONAL PLACE TO WORK.

Abusive managers can be damaging to your mental and physical health, and no job is worth that.

YES- THAT’S IT!!

SHOULD THESE MYTH INFLUENCE YOU MARRIED LIFE??

“To build a good marriage, you need trust, love and acceptance. to build a bad one, you need dumb rules and unreal expectations.”

                                                      – Chirag Mohanty Samal

I totally agree with this proverb. if you are a happy married couple, you should agree that there is no single formula for a successful marriage. what works for you may not necessarily work for your friend. Your relatives may sound very sure about the formula, to a report published in a leading national daily in 2015, that in cities like Mumbai, Delhi, Bangalore, Kolkota. The number of divorce applications has doubled and even tripled. Reasons: Incompatibility issues to abuse.

This proves that conventional wisdom is wrong on what it takes to make a marriage work. A lot of rules have been spoken about;

  • Keep peace at all costs.
  • ‘Have a kid, it will solve problems.’
  • ‘Don’t refuse sex.’

But these are based on unfounded optimism or fear.

NEITHER IS GOOD FOR A LONG PARTNERSHIP

In my view, its now time to ignore these popular marriage myths and find out what counsellors and relationship experts have to tell us about building a lasting bond.

  • ‘ Having kids can strengthen your relationship’.

– Do your parents and in-laws insist you to have kids? This argument then may be familiar to you. But if you are facing a serious problem in your marriage, you should refrain from planning a baby with the hope that things will get better. As per a reputed clinical psychologist, marriage and relationship counsellor, “To have kids does not change a person’s basic nature or the basis of a relationship. It may work temporarily, but bringing up the children could be difficult and the moment the initial hubbub quietens, the troublesome behavior that was being suppressed will resurface”.

  • ‘Sex is the basis of a good marriage’

– It is true that a good sex life can fasten intimacy and lay the foundation for a strong relationship, it cant make up for the other crucial deficiencies. As per a clinical psychologist, “Sex is one of the many important factors in a contemporary marriage. However, it is love that keeps a marriage intact. Sex is only the catalyst”. So don’t worry much if you have not been as active in this area as you were at the beginning of the relationship.

  • ‘Don’t have any secrets’

– Honesty is a virtue, but so is discretion. There are certain things that we should better leave unsaid. “Every minute detail need not be shared, you never know how he might react to things he has not expected”. You are under no obligation to dish to tell your partner details about post relationships or reveal a secret that is not yours to share.

  • ‘Avoid Arguments.

– When two people live together, there are bound to be differences. When these conflicts so arise, it is important to speak up and not bottle up your feelings. As a matter of fact, it is healthy to argue with your partner. It only shows that you communicate well and neither of you is constantly making emotional COMPROMISES.

My Message to you:

BE OPEN TO NEW PERCEPTIONS.

   _________

IS IT THE ONLY WAY TO HANDLE YOUR CHILD?

 

hitting-child.jpeg

HOW TO CONTROL BAD TEMPER WITH YOUR CHILD?

Do you ever struggle with temper tantrum at your house? You know what they involve: Yelling,Screaming, Bad language,and all out loss of control until you almost cannot take it anymore and you just want to……put yourself in time out? Yes, I am talking about our own Parental “temper tantrums,which we all have been known to experience at one point or another as we raise our kids.Read children are notorious for bringing out the best in us as Parents. There are moments when we find we are better people because of them.We may model better behavior,be more honest,forgiving,caring and kind.And then there are also those moments too,when our kids bring out the very bad in us.These are the times when we are exhausted,overworked,stressed to levels we never know about-and the next thing we know are no calmer than the toddler-yelling and screaming,red faced and enraged.

         HERE IS THE TRUTH

Losing your temper is a fact of life,one that is very normal.albeit upsetting-when it actually happens.

But there are solutions that can help you stay calm,balanced and under control.

FOLLOW THESE SIX STEPS AND YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO SEE A CHANGE IN YOUR APPROACH VERY SOON.

  1. RECOGNIZE YOUR TRIGGERS:

The first step to look at is why you lose temper.Understanding our triggers as adult is just as important as trying to find out what upsets our kids, so that we can help them control themselves.

     2. FIND NEW WAYS TO COMMUNICATE:

Parents too often fall into bad communication habits we learnt from our own parents when we were growing up. These can include giving our kids the silent treatment, withdrawing from the family, giving very harsh punishments in the heat of the moment, yelling, sarcastic remarks, etc. it is very easy to fall into this pattern especially when you have a toddler screaming at you or a teenager getting into your face. But it is then important to remember that you are modeling how to deal with anger and frustration for your child, not just in the childhood or adolescence but for when they are adults as well.

This is not to say that you cannot express anger, disappointments or frustrations with your child. Sometimes, it is important that your kids know we are not happy, but we must find ways to express our feelings in an appropriate manner. When you fear you may not keep yourself under control- finding a way to stay calm is key. If you find a calming strategy that works for you, it can stop you from losing your temper.

SOME IDEAS:

  • Walk away (literally): when you find you are about to lose it, walk away from your child. This will not only prevent you from taking a wrong path, it also models for your child an appropriate response when they are feeling overwhelmed themselves. For older kids, feel free to say. “you know I am not ready to talk to you about this right now. So, I am going to be alone for a few moments until I can calm down.”
  • Practice deep breathing:
  • Use deep breathing to calm yourself- it really works.
  • Long-term strategies:

You can integrate physical exercise into your weekly routine for a long term calming practice. We are all busy, overworked, and short on time, but one way to be the best parent possible is to practice self-care. This can come in form of yoga, meditation, running, biking or simply walking.

      3. Communicate calmly

Healthy communication relies on both you and your child being calm. So, do not approach them, if they are still raging at you or you are still angry to talk. You can keep your comments brief and to the point for both young children and adolescents as well.

      4. Choose your battles

Our own tantrums are too often born out of parents feeling frustrated by getting upset over every little annoying thing your child does. One way to combat this is to really think hard about what is important to try to enforce and what you can just let go of in regard to your child.

For younger kids, there are a lot of daily behaviors that can be frustrating: at this stage, kids are messy, they cry easily, they have meltdown, and they can be grouchy, high school kids are messy- they can be moody, irresponsible and unfocused. You should tell them about your family values and can decide what is important to tackle.

It is important that your child completes chores, has an atleast semi- clean room and is respectful. If so, then make it clear what your expectations are and let the occasional mess, the roll of the eyes, the moody behavior go back behind you.

  1. Apologize when you are in the wrong:

One of the greatest gifts you can give to your child is knowing when to admit that you have done something wrong and apologizing. Some parents have to struggle with this. They think that if they apologize, they are giving up their power or showing weakness. But you should then ask yourself what is it you want to teach your child or what kind of legacy you want to pass on. It is obvious that we want our kids to know when they have wronged someone and teach them the importance of an apology.

 

MY MESSAGE

THERE IS NOTHING MORE POWERFUL THAN A PARENT ADMITTING THEIR FAULTS AND OFFERING A SINCERE APOLOGY.

DEMONSTRATION OF THIS TYPE OF HUMILITY SHOWS A CHILD THAT WE ARE ALL HUMAN AND EVEN PARENTS CAN MAKE MISTAKES.

 

 

 

Star Performers may also get a Pink Slip!!(Have a Backup Plan)

Does it not sound strange? But it’s a true story.

I started my Marketing Career with a British Multinational company at the shop floor level in 1979 and became the General Manager (Mkt) of the largest corporate Indian company. I was at the peak of my career. And had every thing one could possibly ask for in a corporate career-status, money, furnished Company’s House, AC car, Air travel, stay in 5 star hotel and many other perquisities. It was at this stage when I found my job profile monotonous and least challenging.Since our company was virtually in monopolistic business,I was practically not doing any marketing but only handling distribution of the products in the market place.

I, therefore, decided to meet the CEO of our company and it happened very shortly. During our meeting I told him,’Sir,there is no excitement and challenge in my present work,because I am not doing any marketing but only distribution of the product and I want to get out of my comfort zone’.He appreciated my concern and made me the in-charge the marketing of a newly born business which needed to be developed and established in the market place.In other words,I was to start from the scratch and give it a respectable shape in a targeted time.

It was a very  challenging task but I was happy to accept it.I was given a team of competent but inexperienced civil engineers.I worked hard to develop their marketing skill which was needed for the success of this project.This was the year 2002 when I was 50 and had another 10 years to work with this company.In the same year I took 10 year home-loan of 20 lacks and bought two flats in Mumbai’s posh area.Since,I had the company’s house,my planning was to rent-out these two flats for the next 10 years and pay the monthly EMI of the bank and pay off total bank loan in 10 years.

Every thing was going excellent in my professional and personal life.In a year’s time,I build up my team very strong and gave a desired shape to the new business and it was now time to reap the fruits of hard work that I had put in along with my team.It was at this juncture I had  crossed the average age level of the company as per the company policy. Since,I had developed a very competent team,it was felt that the remaining left out task could be carried out by this team and one of and one of my junior colleague whom I had trained fit in all respect. Since the company’s policy was to maintain the average age level of the employee,which I had crossed,and the company had an option to carry out this business through an alternate source,I was called by The HRD head and politely asked to put up my papers-which was my award for successfully. Establishing a new business through my hard and dedicated work.

It came as a big surprise to me.My biggest problem was that since my monthly income had suddenly stopped, I could not find any source to pay hefty EMI of Rs 31,000 for my house bank loan. After struggling for 2 years,I had no option but to sell my both prized properties and pay off entire balance bank loan.Losing my two properties was a very big loss to me.

In other words,my loss of a high profile job and two hot properties in Mumbai’s posh locality was my AWARD for being a STAR PERFORMER.

MESSAGE- NEVER FORGET THIS:ALWAYS HAVE A BACKUP PLAN TO EFFECTIVELY HANDLE SUCH SURPRISES IN LIFE.

WHY DO YOU HESITATE TO SAY-‘NO’?

“WHY DO YOU HESITATE TO SAY-‘NO’?

LEARN TO SAY “NO”

WE HAVE LIMITS TO OUR TIME, ENERGY AND INTERESTS.

Like saying YES is important in life, saying NO is also equally important, so if you have learnt the art of saying NO– you will rarely be over committed or over extended.

  • You will never have to break a promise.
  • You will never have to compromise.
  • You will never burn out.
  • You will be able to give 100 % on your terms, not someone else’s.
  • You will function at your best and have a little left.
  • You will function at you best and have a little left in reserve.

 

We had a salesman in our corporate marketing group who could never say “NO” in meetings to decide who would call on specific companies, he was always raising hand, saying, “I will take that one”. His files bulged with prospects. The funny thing was, he could sell when he gave himself enough time to do the job properly. But he spread himself too thin.

He ended up doing the company and himself a disservice. The sales he made could not erase all the opportunities that fell through the cracks. He would have been much better off saying “NO”. By taking on less work, he would have accomplished much more.

MESSAGE: IF THERE IS A NEED TO SAY ‘NO’- SAY-NO!!

“YOU CAN BE A GOOD PERSON WITH A KIND HEART AND STILL SAY NO.”