SHOULD THESE MYTH INFLUENCE YOU MARRIED LIFE??

“To build a good marriage, you need trust, love and acceptance. to build a bad one, you need dumb rules and unreal expectations.”

                                                      – Chirag Mohanty Samal

I totally agree with this proverb. if you are a happy married couple, you should agree that there is no single formula for a successful marriage. what works for you may not necessarily work for your friend. Your relatives may sound very sure about the formula, to a report published in a leading national daily in 2015, that in cities like Mumbai, Delhi, Bangalore, Kolkota. The number of divorce applications has doubled and even tripled. Reasons: Incompatibility issues to abuse.

This proves that conventional wisdom is wrong on what it takes to make a marriage work. A lot of rules have been spoken about;

  • Keep peace at all costs.
  • ‘Have a kid, it will solve problems.’
  • ‘Don’t refuse sex.’

But these are based on unfounded optimism or fear.

NEITHER IS GOOD FOR A LONG PARTNERSHIP

In my view, its now time to ignore these popular marriage myths and find out what counsellors and relationship experts have to tell us about building a lasting bond.

  • ‘ Having kids can strengthen your relationship’.

– Do your parents and in-laws insist you to have kids? This argument then may be familiar to you. But if you are facing a serious problem in your marriage, you should refrain from planning a baby with the hope that things will get better. As per a reputed clinical psychologist, marriage and relationship counsellor, “To have kids does not change a person’s basic nature or the basis of a relationship. It may work temporarily, but bringing up the children could be difficult and the moment the initial hubbub quietens, the troublesome behavior that was being suppressed will resurface”.

  • ‘Sex is the basis of a good marriage’

– It is true that a good sex life can fasten intimacy and lay the foundation for a strong relationship, it cant make up for the other crucial deficiencies. As per a clinical psychologist, “Sex is one of the many important factors in a contemporary marriage. However, it is love that keeps a marriage intact. Sex is only the catalyst”. So don’t worry much if you have not been as active in this area as you were at the beginning of the relationship.

  • ‘Don’t have any secrets’

– Honesty is a virtue, but so is discretion. There are certain things that we should better leave unsaid. “Every minute detail need not be shared, you never know how he might react to things he has not expected”. You are under no obligation to dish to tell your partner details about post relationships or reveal a secret that is not yours to share.

  • ‘Avoid Arguments.

– When two people live together, there are bound to be differences. When these conflicts so arise, it is important to speak up and not bottle up your feelings. As a matter of fact, it is healthy to argue with your partner. It only shows that you communicate well and neither of you is constantly making emotional COMPROMISES.

My Message to you:

BE OPEN TO NEW PERCEPTIONS.

   _________

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IS IT THE ONLY WAY TO HANDLE YOUR CHILD?

 

hitting-child.jpeg

HOW TO CONTROL BAD TEMPER WITH YOUR CHILD?

Do you ever struggle with temper tantrum at your house? You know what they involve: Yelling,Screaming, Bad language,and all out loss of control until you almost cannot take it anymore and you just want to……put yourself in time out? Yes, I am talking about our own Parental “temper tantrums,which we all have been known to experience at one point or another as we raise our kids.Read children are notorious for bringing out the best in us as Parents. There are moments when we find we are better people because of them.We may model better behavior,be more honest,forgiving,caring and kind.And then there are also those moments too,when our kids bring out the very bad in us.These are the times when we are exhausted,overworked,stressed to levels we never know about-and the next thing we know are no calmer than the toddler-yelling and screaming,red faced and enraged.

         HERE IS THE TRUTH

Losing your temper is a fact of life,one that is very normal.albeit upsetting-when it actually happens.

But there are solutions that can help you stay calm,balanced and under control.

FOLLOW THESE SIX STEPS AND YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO SEE A CHANGE IN YOUR APPROACH VERY SOON.

  1. RECOGNIZE YOUR TRIGGERS:

The first step to look at is why you lose temper.Understanding our triggers as adult is just as important as trying to find out what upsets our kids, so that we can help them control themselves.

     2. FIND NEW WAYS TO COMMUNICATE:

Parents too often fall into bad communication habits we learnt from our own parents when we were growing up. These can include giving our kids the silent treatment, withdrawing from the family, giving very harsh punishments in the heat of the moment, yelling, sarcastic remarks, etc. it is very easy to fall into this pattern especially when you have a toddler screaming at you or a teenager getting into your face. But it is then important to remember that you are modeling how to deal with anger and frustration for your child, not just in the childhood or adolescence but for when they are adults as well.

This is not to say that you cannot express anger, disappointments or frustrations with your child. Sometimes, it is important that your kids know we are not happy, but we must find ways to express our feelings in an appropriate manner. When you fear you may not keep yourself under control- finding a way to stay calm is key. If you find a calming strategy that works for you, it can stop you from losing your temper.

SOME IDEAS:

  • Walk away (literally): when you find you are about to lose it, walk away from your child. This will not only prevent you from taking a wrong path, it also models for your child an appropriate response when they are feeling overwhelmed themselves. For older kids, feel free to say. “you know I am not ready to talk to you about this right now. So, I am going to be alone for a few moments until I can calm down.”
  • Practice deep breathing:
  • Use deep breathing to calm yourself- it really works.
  • Long-term strategies:

You can integrate physical exercise into your weekly routine for a long term calming practice. We are all busy, overworked, and short on time, but one way to be the best parent possible is to practice self-care. This can come in form of yoga, meditation, running, biking or simply walking.

      3. Communicate calmly

Healthy communication relies on both you and your child being calm. So, do not approach them, if they are still raging at you or you are still angry to talk. You can keep your comments brief and to the point for both young children and adolescents as well.

      4. Choose your battles

Our own tantrums are too often born out of parents feeling frustrated by getting upset over every little annoying thing your child does. One way to combat this is to really think hard about what is important to try to enforce and what you can just let go of in regard to your child.

For younger kids, there are a lot of daily behaviors that can be frustrating: at this stage, kids are messy, they cry easily, they have meltdown, and they can be grouchy, high school kids are messy- they can be moody, irresponsible and unfocused. You should tell them about your family values and can decide what is important to tackle.

It is important that your child completes chores, has an atleast semi- clean room and is respectful. If so, then make it clear what your expectations are and let the occasional mess, the roll of the eyes, the moody behavior go back behind you.

  1. Apologize when you are in the wrong:

One of the greatest gifts you can give to your child is knowing when to admit that you have done something wrong and apologizing. Some parents have to struggle with this. They think that if they apologize, they are giving up their power or showing weakness. But you should then ask yourself what is it you want to teach your child or what kind of legacy you want to pass on. It is obvious that we want our kids to know when they have wronged someone and teach them the importance of an apology.

 

MY MESSAGE

THERE IS NOTHING MORE POWERFUL THAN A PARENT ADMITTING THEIR FAULTS AND OFFERING A SINCERE APOLOGY.

DEMONSTRATION OF THIS TYPE OF HUMILITY SHOWS A CHILD THAT WE ARE ALL HUMAN AND EVEN PARENTS CAN MAKE MISTAKES.

 

 

 

Star Performers may also get a Pink Slip!!(Have a Backup Plan)

Does it not sound strange? But it’s a true story.

I started my Marketing Career with a British Multinational company at the shop floor level in 1979 and became the General Manager (Mkt) of the largest corporate Indian company. I was at the peak of my career. And had every thing one could possibly ask for in a corporate career-status, money, furnished Company’s House, AC car, Air travel, stay in 5 star hotel and many other perquisities. It was at this stage when I found my job profile monotonous and least challenging.Since our company was virtually in monopolistic business,I was practically not doing any marketing but only handling distribution of the products in the market place.

I, therefore, decided to meet the CEO of our company and it happened very shortly. During our meeting I told him,’Sir,there is no excitement and challenge in my present work,because I am not doing any marketing but only distribution of the product and I want to get out of my comfort zone’.He appreciated my concern and made me the in-charge the marketing of a newly born business which needed to be developed and established in the market place.In other words,I was to start from the scratch and give it a respectable shape in a targeted time.

It was a very  challenging task but I was happy to accept it.I was given a team of competent but inexperienced civil engineers.I worked hard to develop their marketing skill which was needed for the success of this project.This was the year 2002 when I was 50 and had another 10 years to work with this company.In the same year I took 10 year home-loan of 20 lacks and bought two flats in Mumbai’s posh area.Since,I had the company’s house,my planning was to rent-out these two flats for the next 10 years and pay the monthly EMI of the bank and pay off total bank loan in 10 years.

Every thing was going excellent in my professional and personal life.In a year’s time,I build up my team very strong and gave a desired shape to the new business and it was now time to reap the fruits of hard work that I had put in along with my team.It was at this juncture I had  crossed the average age level of the company as per the company policy. Since,I had developed a very competent team,it was felt that the remaining left out task could be carried out by this team and one of and one of my junior colleague whom I had trained fit in all respect. Since the company’s policy was to maintain the average age level of the employee,which I had crossed,and the company had an option to carry out this business through an alternate source,I was called by The HRD head and politely asked to put up my papers-which was my award for successfully. Establishing a new business through my hard and dedicated work.

It came as a big surprise to me.My biggest problem was that since my monthly income had suddenly stopped, I could not find any source to pay hefty EMI of Rs 31,000 for my house bank loan. After struggling for 2 years,I had no option but to sell my both prized properties and pay off entire balance bank loan.Losing my two properties was a very big loss to me.

In other words,my loss of a high profile job and two hot properties in Mumbai’s posh locality was my AWARD for being a STAR PERFORMER.

MESSAGE- NEVER FORGET THIS:ALWAYS HAVE A BACKUP PLAN TO EFFECTIVELY HANDLE SUCH SURPRISES IN LIFE.

WHY DO YOU HESITATE TO SAY-‘NO’?

“WHY DO YOU HESITATE TO SAY-‘NO’?

LEARN TO SAY “NO”

WE HAVE LIMITS TO OUR TIME, ENERGY AND INTERESTS.

Like saying YES is important in life, saying NO is also equally important, so if you have learnt the art of saying NO– you will rarely be over committed or over extended.

  • You will never have to break a promise.
  • You will never have to compromise.
  • You will never burn out.
  • You will be able to give 100 % on your terms, not someone else’s.
  • You will function at your best and have a little left.
  • You will function at you best and have a little left in reserve.

 

We had a salesman in our corporate marketing group who could never say “NO” in meetings to decide who would call on specific companies, he was always raising hand, saying, “I will take that one”. His files bulged with prospects. The funny thing was, he could sell when he gave himself enough time to do the job properly. But he spread himself too thin.

He ended up doing the company and himself a disservice. The sales he made could not erase all the opportunities that fell through the cracks. He would have been much better off saying “NO”. By taking on less work, he would have accomplished much more.

MESSAGE: IF THERE IS A NEED TO SAY ‘NO’- SAY-NO!!

“YOU CAN BE A GOOD PERSON WITH A KIND HEART AND STILL SAY NO.”

LOVE TO WIN BUT DON’T HATE TO LOSE !

“AFTER ALL, WHEN WE LOSE, IT MAKES US STRONG ENOUGH TO FACE  ANOTHER CHALLENGE YET TO COME.”

 

  • KNOW WHICH BATTLE YOU HAVE TO WIN:

NOBODY wins all the time-every point in a tennis match or every hole in a golf tournament.No business person pulls off a coup on every deal and even the star performer salesman come up empty hand many times.One of the skills that distinguishes a winner is an instinct for knowing when he can afford to lose and when he must win.

THAT ALLOWS HIM TO FOCUS ON HIS EFFORTS:

Choose your must wins with care.Concentrate on the essentials and plot your course carefully.

NEVER BE DISTRACTED BY FRIENDS,ENEMIES OR YOUR EMOTIONS.

  • LOVE TO WIN-BUT DON’T HATE TO LOSE:

The difference is subtle but loving to win and hating to lose are not the same thing.One is driven by joy.The other is inspired by fear.In thoroughbred,racing champion’s are born to run.There is a sheer animal vigor in finishing first.Nothing interferes with that single goal.The  same priority of intention and clarity of purpose is found in humans,skilled in the art of winning.Hating to lose muddles the water.Fear breed  misjudgement.Instead of concentrating 100% on your goal,you waste efforts worrying about what other man is doing.

HATING TO LOSE CAN LEAD TO BIG MISTAKE OF WINNING A 100 MILLION BID BUT LOSING A 200 MILLION IN THE PROCESS.

DO YOU GET ME AND MY MESSAGE?

  • BE RELENTLESS-NOT MALICIOUS:

IN pre-fight interviews,boxers make it a point of how much they hate each other.Whether this hype or whether the men really do need to work up a personal dislike to be able to go out and pummel each other-I don’t presume to say.Even in most head-to-head sports,you are not battling an option.you are matching something  you do against something he does.Consider tennis.you hit a shot,your opponent hits a shot-now what is it you are actually hitting?The ball-not the other player.

  • DEPERSONALIZE THE CONTEST:

Bjorn Borg, wimbeldon champion,was a master at this.His icy court demeanor was his own brand of relentlessness.He was there to do one thing and ONE THING ONLY-to hit the ball perfectly.Everything that appeared on his side of the net.What happened on the other side and who it happened to was simply not his concern!!

We stress this because,in situations where the contest is more abstract,there is tendency to over personalize the competition.If you are General Motors,you don’t combat imports by taking a crowbar to a Honda-you do it by outperforming the other side.

PERSONALIZE  THE CONTEST AND EGO START TO CONFLICT WITH SOUND PROFESSIONAL JUDGEMENT.

 

 

YOU CANNOT IGNORE THIS UNIVERSAL TRUTH

“Everything is energy and that’s all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way.” – Albert Einstein

ASK

BELIEVE

RECEIVE

Yes, I want to gift you a HAPPY LIFE

HOW?

  • Your consistent daily thoughts have a great influence in your life.

YES-ITS TRUE

What you consistently think and say,is what you become.If you want something to happen in your life,speak it out in an audible way,as many times daily as possible,and it will become a reality of your life.

SO,BE CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT YOU CONSISTENTLY THINK AND SAY-this is not a “MYTH” but a scientifically proven ‘LAW OF ATTRACTION’

Here is the logic and scientific reason:

QUANTUM PHYSICS SAYS: If you are a student of physics or have been one,you have seen that in your practicals,in order to find the frequency of sound-you hit the tuning fork on a pad and take it close to the thin wire at various places.you also must have observed that the wire vibrates at one point and create a sound.

WHY DOES THIS WIRE VIBRATE AT THIS PARTICULAR PLACE AND NOT AT ANY OTHER PLACE???

This is because when the frequency of sound created by the wire matches the frequency of sound of the tuning fork-the thin wire vibrates.

  • Likewise,what you speak is your tuning fork and what you desire is the thin wire.
  • What you speak and what you desire are made of energy.when you think and speak the same thing time and again-it emits frequency of sound and it causes the energy of what you desire to vibrate at a particular frequency.When it matches the frequency of what you speak and frequency of what you desire,its resultant effect is-your DESIRE BECOMES A REALITY.
  • Since,it is very  difficult to predict a day and time when the frequency of what you speak and frequency of what you desire will match each other-it is very difficult to predict a day and time,when your desire will become a reality.

So,the key is,you should speak out your desire in a day as many times as possible and improve the chances of matching of two frequency of ‘sound’ created by what you speak and what you desire.

It is like shooting your target with a gun.It can hit the bull in one effort or it may hit it in 100 efforts.

BUT YOU WILL SURELY HIT YOUR TARGET ONE DAY.CONSISTENCY OF EFFORTS IS THE KEY WORD.GOOD LUCK!!

“The Universe sends us exactly what we are ready for at the exact time we need it in our lives”

TAKE ACTION

STOP LIVING IN YOUR COMFORT ZONE-WAITING TO
START WHEN EVERYTHING WILL FALL IN PLACE

                                                 ⇓

                                    TAKE ACTION

 

“The distance between Dream and Reality is called ACTION”

Think about it!! Take your first step forward!!

You cannot succeed in life,unless you begin and end.Getting started or taking that first step is utmost important.Nothing else matters.Always remember that the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. TAKE THAT FIRST STEP TODAY!!

There is a great substance in that old saying  that old saying that you don’t need to be Great to get started,but you have to get started to be Great.you may have brilliant ideas and plans,and we may not doubt its intent.But all these things have no meaning,if you don’t make a beginning first.We often hesitate to take that first step and we live in our comfort zone-waiting to start when everything fall in place.

WE FORGET THAT EVERYTHING SELDOM FALLS INTO PLACE!!

If i may say,if there is anything which is the biggest contributor to stress in the workplace,it is surely UNFINISHED task.Learn to finish task.Get rid of them.If something important and worth has to be done,it must be done at first.All successful people make it a habit to begin and end what they have started.This is their most important traits!!

SO,IF YOU HAVE BIG IDEA OR SECRET PLAN-TAKE THAT FIRST STEP TODAY!!!

Want to become a Guitarist? Buy your guitar today!! Make a habit to prepare a list of unfinished work and your TO-DO-LIST.you must be determined to complete at least one of these tasks today!!

JUST DO IT and see the difference.

Life will begin to make a lot more sense,and YOU WILL BE ABLE TO COVER THE DISTANCE BETWEEN DREAM AND REALITY.

GOOD LUCK!!