IS IT DESIRABLE?

 HOW TO HANDLE YOUR SHORT-TEMPERED SPOUSE!!

 

     Most marriages go through periods of highs and lows-It is normal!! Therefore,it is quite common for a husband and wife to differ on certain points.At times,one-person becomes more dominant than the other.If the husband enjoys making his point heard, wife may prefer to let him have his say to maintain calmness and peace in their relationship.

Likewise, wife may disagree with her husband on different matters and the husband may choose to act as a peacemaker in the house.I have even seen short tempered wives and husbands,sometimes,do not even hesitate to scream at each other or at their sweet kids-not only in the house but also at the public places.Most of the time,the main reason of their scream is their stress and anxiety(due to any reason).

Believe me,these are the facts of life and you may have to face it at some point of life.

SOME EFFECTIVE WAY’S TO HANDLE YOUR SPOUSE’S BAD TEMPER:

1-Recognize the triggers,the first step is to recognize each other’s temperament.Make it a point to communicate and voice your feeling to one another in a calm and best possible way without being judgemental .For your respective anger issues,you can deal with them more effectively.It is a common knowledge that ‘opposite attract’ and so make sure that both of you balance each other out and are aware of what irks the other.

2-Learn to take one step back.It would be a wise move if you take a step back to allow your partner to cool down.Therefore,if you find your spouse getting angry over something,please do not make things ugly or worse by tackling them or reprimanding them for their actions then and there.Instead,step aside and allow them to calm down.In time,they themselves will come back and apologize for their outburst.The key here is to give them their space,so that they get time to realize their fault on their own.

3-Keep you attitude in check.Realize that,at times,it may be your behavior,body language and attitude that may cause tempers to fly.But if you fight fire with fire,you will surely land up in a stalemate with the problem still left unresolved.It is important that you manage your emotions well in order to prevent any major outburst with your temperamental spouse.So,if you know that there are things that could cause emotional outburst,your reaction to it could determine whether it has the possibility of turning ugly or getting unresolved.

4 – Have patience, patience and patience.

In order to really deal with your short-tempered spouse,you will have to demonstrate a lot of patience.Sometimes,you may disapprove of your own spouse’s outburst or screaming over trivial and petty issues.These may cause you to wonder what you might have done wrong.However,the key to dealing with such outburst over minor issues is to have the patience to deal with your partner calmly.

Therefore,please avoid  responding with equally nasty or provocative comments that could rupture into something major incident.

5-Talk,talk and talk. Encourage them towards change.you could help encourage your spouse to adopt certain tips to calm down during an outburst. Deep breathing,yoga and meditation could prove to be the right solution to help your partner to keep his/her stress and anxiety under control,which in turn will keep his/her temper under check.

I HAVE BEEN DOING IT FOR LAST THREE DECADES AND TRUST ME-IT HELPS A LOT TO KEEP YOUR STRESS,ANXIETY AND TEMPER UNDER FULL CONTROL.

TRY IT !!

6-Last but very important.A better sex life.This could be a major reason,why a spouse has a bad temper.It is vital that you both have a healthy sex life.If there are any issues,it must be resolved as fast as possible.

A GOOD SEX LIFE KEEPS A SPOUSE STRESS FREE,HAPPY AND TEMPER FREE.

YES,THIS IS TRUE!!

Based on my knowledge and experience about human behavior,I am confident that these tips will definitely help you to handle your spouse’s anger effectively

HOWEVER, SHOULD NONE OF THESE TIPS WORK,JUST REMEMBER THAT YOU HAVE PICKED UP HER/HIM AND THEREFORE TAKE LIFE AS IT COMES TO YOU.EVERYTHING CHANGES ONE DAY(LAW OF NATURE) AND SO WILL CHANGE YOUR SPOUSE’S BAD TEMPER ALSO-ONE DAY.

                                                         MY MESSAGE

WAIT FOR THAT DAY-IT WILL SURELY COME.

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AN IIT GOLD MEDALIST AND A STAR PERFORMER VICE PRESIDENT LOST A HIGH PROFILE CORPORATE JOB DUE TO UNPROFESSIONAL BEHAVIOR!

Bhartendu Dev was a gold medalist in B.tech (Mechanical) from IIT Mumbai and had joined a multinational company as management Trainee (Technical). Due to his extraordinary performance, he soon became plant supervisor and then a plant manager in next one year. He was a blue-eyed professional in the eyes of top management. Bhartendu Dev eventually became the youngest vice president (Tech) at an age of 30.

It so happened that Dev was taking a round of the plant in the  night shift and he found a worker sleeping on duty. The worker was made awake and when Dev questioned that worker as to why was he sleeping during working hours, the worker said, there is nothing new about it. He sleeps everyday during night shift. Dev got worked up over his reply and in a moment of impulsive anger, he slapped that worker. That worker happened to be a relative of the workers Union President. All the workers stopped the work and went on a lightning workers strike. To maintain the law and order situation, a few workers had to be arrested by the cops. Seeing the gravity of the situation. The company had to decide a lock-out and it went for two months.

The top management felt that Dev should have handled this situation in a matured manner and according to the laid down policy of the company. The company had to incur heavy financial losses due to a lock-out for 2 months and Dev had to resign from the company.

Though, Dev was an outstanding member of the Top Management Team, he had to resign from the job for his impulsive bad temper and an unprofessional behavior.

WHAT A SAD END OF DEV’S BRIGHT CAREER IN THAT COMPANY.

MESSAGE: PLEASE BE PROFESSIONAL UNDER ALL CIRCUMSTANCES!!

DOES ANGER LEAVE A PERMANENT SCAR?

YES! IT DOES. USE YOUR TEMPER ONLY TO SEND ACROSS MESSAGE TO PEOPLE THAT YOU WILL NOT HESITATE TO EXERCISE THIS OPTION -IF NEED BE

This is an inspirational story which may inspire you to understand the consequence of bad temper and make conscious efforts to control your bad temper.

There was a little boy who had a bad temper.His dad gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper,he must hammer a nail into the fence.

The first day,the boy had driven 40 nails into the fence.As he learnt to control his anger,over the next few weeks,the number of nails hammered daily,gradually dwindled down.He discovered,it was easier to hold his anger than to drive those nails into the fence.Finally,the day came when the boy did not lose his temper at all.He told his dad about it and his dad suggested that the boy NOW pull one nail each day that he was able to hold his temper.

The day passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his dad that all the nails were now removed.The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence.

He said,”you have done extremely well, my son! But then took him at the holes in the fence.the fence will never be the same.WHEN YOU SAY THINGS IN ANGER,THEY LEAVE A PERMANENT SCAR JUST LIKE THIS ONE”

MORAL: You can put a knife in a man and draw it out.It does not matter how many times you say I am sorry,the wound is still there.Make sure you control your temper the next time you are tempted to say something you will regret later.

                                                              MESSAGE

TRUST ME-ITS POSSIBLE:USE YOUR TEMPER ONLY TO SEND ACROSS MESSAGE TO THE PEOPLE THAT YOU WILL NOT HESITATE TO EXERCISE THIS OPTION-IF NEED BE.

WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE IN THIS SITUATION ?

 

WHILE ARROGANCE IS A SIGN OF YOUR WEAKNESS,

HUMILITY IS THE HIGHEST IMAGINABLE SIGN OF YOUR STRENGTH.

Taking one step back rather one step forward is not the sign of of your

weakness but it could be your victory and symbol of your MATURITY

and HUMILITY.

A truly humble man cannot be an arrogant person.One must reflect modesty like a tree that bends low with the burden of ripening fruits.

It is the barren tree that lifts itself high in an empty boast.Humility contrary to patriarchal designation of it as a sign of weakness,is in fact,the highest imaginable sign of strength.

One has to be spiritually and mentally balanced in an egoless state.This allows us to see order in chaos and chaos in order.In fact it is the balance WITHIN that permits us to see the balance in all things.Hence,chaos WITHOUT is a matter of perception,while chaos WITHIN is the conception of the ego.Be like the ocean which receives all streams and rivers.The ocean mighty calm remains unmoved;IT FEELS THEM NOT.

TO MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND BETTER ABOUT HUMILITY,I WILL TELL YOU A TRUE STORY OF TWO KINGS.

Once upon a time a king was passing through a dense forest in his royel Carrier alongwith a team of his trusted soldiers.His Carrier was passing through a very narrow passage.A second king of the neighbouring state also happened to be passing through the same forest and it was sheer coincidence that both the kings suddenly happen to meet head-on in that narrow passage.The horse carrier of both the kings had to stop because the passage at that point was so narrow that only one carriage could pass through.

The first king conveyed a message to the second king to take back his horse carrier by a few yards,so that he could pass through that narrow passage.The second king conveyed back the message to the first king that ‘I DON’T GIVE WAY TO FOOLS’ and he will not take back his horse carriage even by an inch.

The first king thought for a second and send across the message to the second king that read-‘I GIVE WAY TO FOOLS’ and he promptly instructed his men to take back the carrier by a few yards and gave way to the  second kind.

MORAL:TAKING ONE STEP BACK BY THE FIRST KING WAS IN NO WAY HIS WEAKNESS,BUT A SIGN OF MATURITY,HUMILITY AND VICTOR

 

                                                          MY MESSAGE

BE LIKE THAT TREE THAT BENDS LOW WITH THE BURDEN OF RIPENING FRUITS.GIVE UP YOUR ARROGANCE,BEND LOW AND DEMONSTRATE YOUR HUMILITY,WHEN THE NEED BE.

APPROACH OF THIS ‘EMPLOYED PROFESSIONAL’ MAY NOT GET HIM OUT OF HIS RUT!!

ALL EMPLOYED PROFESSIONALS!!-NO OFFENCE PLEASE!!

Doing Job is a model,our fathers followed and one day they taught us to follow this traditional model! Simple!! And we will possibly transfer it to our children and this vicious cycle will go on and on.Should this mindset not change with changing job culture?

WELL, IT IS FOR YOU TO TAKE THE FINAL CALL !!

I too have been an employed professional for more than two and half decades. Obviously, I too had the same approach and mindset back then. This subject is very close to my heart, so, I want to tell you a very important lesson.

WHAT YOU CONSTANTLY THINK ABOUT YOU IS WHAT YOU BECOME IN LIFE(LAW OF ATTRACTION)

To make you understand this subject better,I would tell you a story which is one of my all time favorite business stories:

It is about a 45 year old Manager always struggling to pay his bills.So,he decided to consult a financial expert and get some advice.The Manager makes an appointment to meet with a well reputed financial advisor,whose office was located  in an expensive and stylish building on Cannaught place,New Delhi.

The Manager enters the expert’s elegantly done reception room,but instead of a receptionist,the manager was greeted by two doors – one marked “employed” and the other “self employed”

He enters the door marked “employed” and is greeted by two more rooms – one marked “makes less than 10 lacs” and the other “makes more than 10 lacs”

He makes less than 10 lacs,so he enters the door,only to find himself face to face with two more doors.The door on the left is marked-“saves more than Rs 10,000 a year”,and the one on the right is marked-“saves less than Rs 10,000 a year”.

The Manager only has about Rs 3,000 in his bank account,so he enters the door on the right ONLY TO FIND HIMSELF ON THE CANNAUGHT PLACE ROAD.

MORAL:THE SAME DOOR LEAD TO THE SAME RESULTS:

It is painfully obvious that this Manager in the story will never get out of his RUT until he starts choosing to open different doors.The moral of the story is that most of the people are like the Manager,like me back then,-they choose to enters the doors of life that lead them right back to where they started.

The only way for people to get different results is to choose to enter the different doors-IS THAT NOT TRUE? LIKE ONE OF MY MENTORS ALWAYS USE TO SAY,”IF YOU CONTINUE TO DO WHAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS DONE,YOU WILL CONTINUE TO GET WHAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS GOTTEN”

ABSOLUTELY TRUE!! IS NOT IT?

YOUR LIBERTY ENDS WHEN YOU START INTERFERING WITH OTHER’S LIBERTY

 

As a matter of fact, Liberty is a very misunderstood word. People think, it is their Liberty to do what they like in their house,it is their liberty to eat what they like, It is their liberty to sleep when they want to sleep,it is their liberty to dress up the way it pleases them, it is their liberty to listen the music they like, it is their liberty to party in their house till wee hours. THE LIST IS ENDLESS OF SUCH LIBERTY CLAIMS. Well,I have nothing against people’s liberty as mentioned above.It is perfectly okay – Nothing wrong.

BUT, BUT LIBERTY COMES WITH A RESPONSIBILITY AND TO EXPLAIN IT, I WILL TELL YOU A STORY.

Mr Swaminathan and Mr Bhandari were staying in Mumbai in the same apartment and they were neighbors. Mr Bhandari often use to return home late evening and was fond of listening to loud music at a very high pitch. This was his daily routine. Mr Swaminathan used to badly get upset with this loud music because he could not sleep.But he kept his patience and tolerated this loud music for two  weeks in the hope that better sense will prevail with his neighbor and things will improve.But that did not happen.

Mr Swaminathan decided to take up this matter with his neighbor and one night,while the loud music was going on,he knocked at the door of Mr Bhandari,who opened the door.Mr Swaminathan requested Mr Bhandari to keep the volume of the music low,because he could not sleep with such a loud music. Mr Bhandari said,Mr Swaminathan,I am in my own house and I have the full liberty to enjoy the music the way I like and this should not bother you.To this,Mr swaminathen told-Mr Bhandari! If it is your liberty to listen to such a loud music in your house,it is my liberty to sleep peacefully in my house!!

SO,YOUR LIBERTY ENDS WHEN YOU START INTERFERING WITH MY LIBERTY.

Mr Bhandari realized his mistake and apologized to Mr Swaminathan. He also promised Mr Swaminathan that, henceforth,he would exercise his liberty with due responsibility and not cause disturbance in his sleep.

MESSAGE-YOUR LIBERTY COMES WITH A RESPONSIBILITY.ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS!!

 

GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS ACT!!

STOP ELDER ABUSE!

PLEASE REMEMBER THE WAY YOU TREAT YOUR ELDERLY PARENTS NOW, IS THE WAY YOUR CHILDREN WILL TREAT YOU WHEN YOU BECOME AN ELDERLY PARENT IN FUTURE.

I have an entirely different thoughts and approach to this matter.

An elderly parent is someone who should be in the age group of 65 years and is possibly sailing through the last one or two decades of his life journey. In all these 65 years of his age, he has acquired certain attitude, habits, temper, behavior, outlook which is rock solid and cannot be changed at this final stage of his life.

So, if this cannot be changed, we should be willing to change as his son or daughter. In other words, there is no need to handle an elderly parent’s bad temper. Instead, you need to handle your own temper and patience to pave a way for a healthy relationship with your parents and prove yourself a worthy son or daughter at least during their last few years of life left for them.

YOUR ELDERLY PARENTS DESERVE TO LIVE A DIGNIFIED AND RESPECTFUL LIFE AND YOU OWE IT TO THEM- UNDER ALL CIRCUMSTANCES.

To provide them a life, full of dignity, grace and respect – you need to watch your own temper and act in the following manner:

  1. Recognize and accept that they cannot change their habits and temper at the age of 65+.
  2. Love your elderly parents for whatever they are. If you love them, you can easily overcome most of your difficulties in dealing with their bad temper.
  3. Live with the mindset that since you cannot change their behavior, it will be prudent to change your own behavior.
  4. Always remember, your own son or daughter is observing you carefully (even in subconscious) and when you become an elderly parent – They will treat you exactly the way you have treated your own elderly parents.

YES !! THIS IS LAW OF NATURE.

WHAT YOU GIVE IS RETURNED TO YOU IN THE LAST PHASE OF YOUR LIFE, IF NOT EARLY.

I have seen this happening. Please remember this.

  1. 5. Age and illness can intensify longstanding personality traits in some unpleasant ways: an irritable person may become enraged, an important person demanding and impossible to please.

Please try to intensify the cause of anger. In most elderly individuals, behavior are symptoms of distress. The aging process in and of itself sometimes brings about anger, as senior’s vent frustrations about getting old, having chronic pain,losing friends,having money issues,being incontinent- all the undignified things can happen to elderly parents at this age.

With the aging process, our parents do not have control. As a care giver, the best thing you can do is not to take it personally. Focus on the positive, ignore the negative, and take a break from care giving when you can by finding some respite. You might also want to consider in some cases, calling in a home health nurse.

  1. 6. I know a family where an elderly parents were staying under the care of their youngest son and overall, they were passing off a happy life, except a few bad experiences. The second son of elderly parents had his own vested interest In the village and he compelled his parents to come to the village on a clear promise that he would look after his old parents there. When he got his work done through the help of his elderly parents, he started neglecting them completely. This matter did not end here. Son also started hitting his old parents- this was unbelievable and shocking. The father went through this physical and mental torture for nearly four months and ultimately lost his life.

It is my humble appeal and request to all the sons that please never, never, never do such cowardly acts in your life.

GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU, AND YOU WILL HAVE TO PAY ITS PRICE IN YOUR LIFE TIME.