THE MAGIC OF PERSEVERANCE!!

To make you believe that Persistence pays in all walks of life,I would give you a live example of a great Sri Lankan Cricketer,which has always inspired me and I still continue to read this story when I feel the need for self motivation.

That great cricketer is none than Marvan Ata pattu who made his debut in Test Cricket for Sri Lanka but scored zero in his first innings.And  again zero in second innings.He was dropped from the team.So he went back to the nets for more practice.It was only after a wait of 21 months,he got a second chance.

He tried his best this time,but scored zero in the first innings and 1 run in second innings.Dropped again,he went back for more serious practice.He scored tonnes of runs to get out of the painful memories of the Test failures.Well,17 months later,opportunity again knocked at his door.Marvan went to bat in both the innings of the Test.His score:0 and 0

Back to the rigorous practice.The selectors felt that he lacked Test-match temperament.His technique wasn’t good enough at the Test match level.But undaunted, Marvan kept trying with some hope that selectors would someday give him another chance.

Three years later,he got another chance.This time he made runs and in an outstanding career thereafter,he went on to score over 5000 runs for Sri Lanka.This included 16 centuries and 6 double centuries.He never looked back and eventually he became Captain of the Sri Lankan Test cricket team.

JUST THINK ABOUT IT! How many of us can handle failure and rejections the way he handled? IT was six years of trying and failing.Anybody would have been tempted to shift and persue another career.But he did not and THAT MADE THE REAL DIFFERENCE.The next time you are staring at possible failure or rejection in life,think of this great Marvan and just remember this:If you don’t give up,if you believe in yourself,if you stay the course,time will change one day and you would eventually succeed and prove your worth someday.

THIS IS THE LAW OF NATURE AND MAGIC OF PERSEVERANCE.

                                                                MESSAGE

Once,Winston Churchill was asked the secret of success in life.His reply was:NEVER GIVE UP.NEVER,NEVER GIVE UP!

IF YOU FOLLOW HIS ADVICE,PERSEVERANCE WILL REWARD YOU SOMEDAY.

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A SMALL SERVICE TO MY BELOVED READERS:

As i am also a life coach, if you so desire, you can refer to me  your personal, professional and family issues either through my blog or my email (given below) and I would send you my advice within a week.I am extending my services  to you for a very nominal  fee of 1 $ per advice which I only want to charge because when you get something free, you do not value it.My main objective

is to give you the benefit of my knowledge and three decades experience  so that you begin to think and understand life issues in an appropriate and rational manner and right perspective and lead a calm,anxiety free and happy life.

My email: ravi_singh52@hotmail.com

Thanks and Regards.

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FEAR FEW THINGS IS DESIRABLE THAN FEAR NOT ANYTHING!!

We normally hear our parents,friends and others telling us to be fearless. While it is good not to fear anything but to fear a few things in life is also desirable. It is a balancing act that is required.

If you have seen the movie Troy, an army officer tells the General,”Sir,the army is under fear that you may punish them”. The General responds quickly something very important. “Fear can be constructive if you can manage it well”.

It is true that you manage and lead people by setting a very high example of yourself. But this is also a fact that men are managed by the FEAR of punishment. You would agree that it is because of the fear of the police,that criminals and crime rate is controlled.It is because of fear of losing the job that employees become productive. It is also only because of  fear of punishment that children are controlled by parents and teachers.

However,managing  someone’s fear is an skill and some guidelines on managing fear is as below:

  • Be fearless yourself. Being fearless at all times could be your highest achievement.But to be totally fearless,you need to do only right things in your life. Once in a battlefield,a warrior said,”If I look directly into the  eyes of the enemy just for a few seconds,my fear disappears”. In other words,you must face the challenge of life directly without depending on anything or anyone.
  • Never, Never misuse fear.you can misuse the fear of your subordinates.you naturally command fear just because of being in a position of authority or power.But remember,respect cannot be demanded  but commanded.you can force others to fear you through authority and the power wielded.But to win respect,you have to win the heart of the other person.If you want to check if you are a successful leader or not,try to find out if everyone is comfortable and happy when you are around.
  • you must punish fairly.Punishment is unavoidable at times.However,one can punish rightly and justly.As you know,in a billiard game,if you hit the ball too hard or too soft,it won’t go into the pot.You should hit the ball with the right amount of force.Likewise,if you punish too much,you will be seen as a terror.But,if you are too soft,the work will not get done.Its a balancing act that is required.SO BE FIRM,YET CONSIDERATE.

A criminal was being sent to the gallows.As is the normal practice,he was asked what his last wish was.He replied to the shock of the jailer.”To kill my father because of whom I am going to the gallows…..”He never corrected me when I was wrong,nor did he punish me when I deserved it.So,I never had the fear of being punished and  IT IS THAT FEARLESSNESS WHICH HAS TODAY BROUGHT ME TO GALLOWS.

                                                                       MESSAGE

To create fear in the mind of wrong people,to punish people when they deserve is very important-this will only benefit them.At the same time, misuse of fear must be avoided to the right people to make them fearless.

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A SMALL SERVICE TO MY BELOVED READERS:

As i am also a life coach, if you so desire, you can refer to me  your personal, professional and family issues either through my blog or my email (given below) and I would send you my advice within a week.I am extending my services  to you for a very nominal  fee of 1 $ per advice which I only want to charge because when you get something free, you do not value it.My main objective

is to give you the benefit of my knowledge and three decades experience  so that you begin to think and understand life issues in an appropriate and rational manner and right perspective and lead a calm,anxiety free and happy life.

My email: ravi_singh52@hotmail.com

Thanks and Regards.

SHOULD WE JUDGE A PERSON ON THE BASIS OF LOOK ALONE?

In my view before we try to answer this question,you should first ask yourself ‘why do I ask such question?’ What is the real purpose? I mean,do you want answer to this question because you are looking for a date with someone for a serious relationship leading to marriage OR you are looking for someone for a casual relationship OR you want someone to be with you to move around in a circle of friends who are good looking OR You are looking for a like minded person to regularly spend quality time with him or her.

As a general rule,judging someone on the basis of look alone can prevent you from seeing the good that lies beyond appearance.But the choice of your answer would entirely depend upon what is your real purpose.For instance,,how does it matter when you judge some one on the basis of look alone,if you want to have a casual relationship with him or her?

But yes,if you are looking for a date with someone for a serious relationship leading to marriage,you may have to  take a different view altogether,.because it’s a different ballgame.But let me tell you one thing. Honestly,you cannot ignore or undermine the importance of good look.Physical attraction is a very natural God gift to humanity and its normal to get attracted to a good looking man or woman.After all,when you meet someone for the first time ,you can only see his/her look-not other good or bad qualities.

But since we are now only confined to answer your question for a serious relationship,I am not averse to look for a good looking guy or girl because that is the first step in exploring other good or bad  habits in each other which will take time.

It may so happen,after being with each other for a sufficient time,if you ultimately find that he or she is a right marriage material,as per your choice of qualities,you can seal this relationship into a permanent relationship and if you find that he or she is not a marriage material,you should not try to take this this relationship to the next level on the basis of good look alone which had brought you both together.YOU BOTH SHOULD HAVE A HONEST AND FRANK DISCUSSION WITH EACH OTHER AND DEPART GRACEFULLY WITH EACH OTHER,

MESSAGE

I very strongly feel that no serious relationship can survive or sustain purely on the basis of good look.It has to have other desired qualities like DEPENDABILITY, TRUSTWORTHINESS AND RIGHT THINKING. If a person lacks in these qualities, in my view,any serious relationship can not flourish and be permanent.

A WORD OF CAUTION:PL DO NOT MAKE ANY COMMITMENT FOR MARRIAGE PURELY ON THE BASIS OF GOOD LOOK AND UNLESS YOU HAVE EXPLORED THE OTHER DESIRED QUALITIES AND ARE SURE ABOUT IT.

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A SMALL SERVICE TO MY BELOVED READERS:

As i am also a life coach, if you so desire, you can refer to me  your personal, professional and family issues either through my blog or my email (given below) and I would send you my advice within a week.I am extending my services  to you for a very nominal  fee of 1 $ per advice which I only want to charge because when you get something free, you do not value it.My main objective

is to give you the benefit of my knowledge and three decades experience  so that you begin to think and understand life issues in an appropriate and rational manner and right perspective and lead a calm,anxiety free and happy life.

My email: ravi_singh52@hotmail.com

Thanks and Regards

IF YOU ARE HONEST IN SAYING-‘I M SORRY’-IT HAS MAGICAL IMPACT.

YES,NEVER HESITATE!! IF YOU ARE WRONG,HAVE COURAGE TO GENUINELY SAY-‘I M SORRY’

It is a fact of life that Relationship Problems do creep in one’s life at some point of life.This relationship problems could be between Husband and Wife,Father and Son,Mother and Daughter or for that matter any other relationship.While 90% relationship problem occur due to Non-communication,there are also some relationship problem, which creep in because of a person’s inability to own up to a mistake and  apologize.I have seen many people around who are  incapable of saying, ‘I am Sorry’.They perhaps like to put their failure behind them and cannot admit they are wrong.

I,THEREFORE,STRONGLY FEEL THAT THIS KIND OF MINDSET TO DISOWN A MISTAKE AND AN APOLOGY, STRAINS AND BREAK RELATIONSHIP MORE OFTEN THAN ANY PERSONAL FAILING.

As I am also a Life Coach,i do often get people coming to me for resolving their relationship problems.I will cite a specific case to make you understand better.

A person came to me for a relationship problem with his wife.After giving a patient hearing to him,which is my primary job,i came to know that since this man had lost his job,he was not earning enough to meet his financial obligation towards his family.His wife had to start working to support family.As is the case normally,wife started abusing her husband most of the time and this went on for three long years.

Imagine what this man went through this abusing relationship and mental agony for such a long time,but he decided to maintain silence,not because of any weakness,but to avoid any kind of confrontation,unhealthy home environment and primarily not to fight with wife and set a bad example to his growing children.

Since the man was not on talking terms with his wife,he wrote a letter to his wife to stop this abuse and mental torture.He gave her 6 months time to mend her ways,otherwise,he would be forced to leave the house,which he will not like to do for the sake of growing children.But even after 10 months,wife did not change her ways and continued her abusive behavior.This man possibly not finding any other option,left his  house to stay elsewhere and had now come to me for any possible solution of this whole problem.I asked this person-was he really serious to resolve this relationship problem with his wife.He promptly said,’if i was not serious,i would not have come to you’.

Without any further discussion on this matter,i took the phone number of his wife,called her in front of him and told her upfront that her husband was sitting with me to discuss and resolve the the problem between them. I also told her that if i had to resolve their problem,i also need to meet her.I asked her,if she could drop in my office torrow at a mutually agreed time and she agreed to meet me.When the wife met me the next day,i only asked her two questions:

1-Is it true that you have been abusing and torturing your husband for the last 3 long years?

She had the courage to say-YES.

2-Has your husband been totally silent all these 3 long years and not confronted you ever?

She again had the courage to say-YES.

I then politely asked her,’Don’t you think that your husband’s long 3 years silence and suffering now deserves a change of heart from your side.She again demonstrated the courage to say-‘yes’ but’How’?

I asked her’Will you accept my advice’?

She politely said,YES.

I then called her husband who was sitting next room to my cabin.To my surprise,wife got up and offered her seat to her husband,since i had deliberately kept only one chair.This is what i wanted to see to take this matter to the next level.I again asked his wife-CAN YOU PLEASE SAY “I AM SORRY” TO YOUR HUSBAND?”

She took about 10 seconds to react but eventually said ‘I am sorry’ to her husband.Husband hugged her to reciprocate her gesture and she too hugged her husband with tears in her eyes but smile on her face.

They thanked me for bringing them together and left for their home.

MY MESSAGE TO YOU

Remember,change of heart do happen at an appropriate time.Sometime,a barrier is formed between a husband and wife and this needs to be broken with the right body language and by just genuinely saying-‘I AM SORRY’.This has a very very powerful impact.

I HAVE ONLY ONE ADVICE TO GIVE TO MARRIED COUPLES-“DO NOT EVER HURT YOUR MAN’s ‘EGO’ AND DO NOT HURT YOUR WIFE’S ‘SENTIMENT’.

YOUR HAPPY MARRIED LIFE IS SECURED -TRUST ME!!

GOOD LUCK FRIENDS!!

 

ITS HUMAN RELATION THAT MATTERS!!

1-What is the Most Important Word….in the dictionary? It is the sound of your name.And how cheerful you feel when someone remembers it.It certainly makes you like him,doesn’t it ? And how small you feel,if someone who should have remembered,forgets your name.For most people,their names(especially  first name) are the most important word in the world.

 

2-Being Psychoanalyzed: Why do we criticize?If it is because we want people to do better work and improve in future,it is all well and good, but is that the real reason?Analyze your motives.It will help you a lot.

 

3-Let it Simmer:Do you know that in your ordinary day-to-day life,it also does a lot of good if you let things simmer.A delay of a day or  two seldom does any harm.But if you do a thing in a hurry and in anger and retort with a furious reply,the damage done  may be enormous.And it may take months of hard work to put things right again.

 

4-Pave the way:This is what one must do before you criticize anybody.If people have done something the wrong way and even if they know that they are in the wrong,they will resent it bitterly if you tell them so.You may first talk about neutral subject.Then find something you can braise.Pave the way.People will then take cricism willingly,otherwise,they will fight to the last to prove BLACK IS WHITE.

 

5-Eat it….that’s the worst about threats.We mostly threaten without thinking,and in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred,we have to eat our threats simply because we just cannot carry them out.So don’t threaten,because,when you have to eat your words,it is very humiliating.It does not do you or anybody any good!!

 

6-Readymade suits:you must have found that in most cases they do not  fit.It is same with readymade answers.When someone brings a problem,you should not give him a quick readymade answer,even if you know it is the right one.Instead help him to think out the answer for himself.Let him workout his own solution.It is far better this way than giving him the answer straightway.you will never find a faster way of making people more efficient.

 

7-The little Personal Touches:Its little personal touches that make all the difference.If one of your man is away sick,enquire about his health when he comes back.It does not take too much time or effort.It is just  a question of being thoughtful. Believe me,these little human touches certainly makes all the difference.

 

8-Listen Patiently:The best way to handle complaints is simply to listen patiently and attentively.A man often only wants to get something off his HEAD AND CHEST.

 

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IS PREMARITAL COUNSELLING CRUCIAL TO YOUR MARRIAGE??

I think it depends from person to person.

I have two views on this  subject.

1-I want to inform  my those readers,who may not be aware about it,what  is after all this premarital counselling all about and based on these vital information,you can take your own decision whether you need it or not!!

2-Whether you decide to take a premarital counselling or not,your married life will be no different from our present lives-we will continue to face ups and down and series of problems in our married life.In order to effectively handle such problems and lead a happy married life what you really need is the ‘RIGHT THINKING’,’LOTS OF PATIENCE’ and ability to keep shifting your perspective during difficult time in your married life!! Follow these three things and see the magic yourself.

  • Premarital counselling generally consists of a few individual sessions with the counsellor, followed by a joint session with both the partners.A minimum of five to six sessions is recommended to address all the concerns the couples might have about marriage.Depending upon the couples needs and the therapist’s approach,however,the number of sessions could be increased or decreased.
  • Premarital counselling can help you gain an insight into your partner’s personality,look past their differences and understand issues from their point of view.
  • Premarital counselling teaches you to discuss with your partner your expectations and financial plans,among other practical yet awkward issues.
  • As an unbiased person,a counselor usually listens to what both the partners have to say without being judgmental and then help discuss issues that might be uncomfortable to talk about or cause fear or anxiety.A counsellor can coax you to address your current issues as well as potential areas of conflict,openly discuss them and also build strategies to sort out differences.
  • These sessions that covers various topics in the form of questionnaires can help you reflect on how your beliefs and behavior could impact this new phase of your lives.

                                                                        MESSAGE

Whether you will take this premarital counselling or not is your personal choice.But please do not overlook the importance of meeting each other’s parents.Family background is very important.you should spend sufficient time with them to know their habits and values before you decide to take the plunge. Remember,a couples respective parents are their image and shadow which has a great impact and influence in shaping respective couple’s values,behavior and habits.There can be exceptions but  this act as an indication,valuable input and guiding factor.

                                                                 ____________________________

A SMALL SERVICE TO MY BELOVED READERS:

As i am also a life coach, if you so desire, you can refer to me  your personal, professional and family issues either through my blog or my email (given below) and I would send you my advice within a week.I am extending my services  to you for a very nominal  fee of 1 $ per advice which I only want to charge because when you get something free, you do not value it.My main objective

is to give you the benefit of my knowledge and three decades experience  so that you begin to think and understand life issues in an appropriate and rational manner and right perspective and lead a calm,anxiety free and happy life.

My email: ravi_singh52@hotmail.com

Thanks and Regards.

HOW TO FOCUS ON YOUR CAREER!!

14 BEST PRACTICES TO ACHIEVE WHAT
YOU DESIRE IN YOUR CAREER!!

 

1-BE LOYAL: Bosses can forgive carelessness,stupidity,tardiness and the occasional temper tantrum.These can be corrected,BUT DISLOYALTY IS A TRUE CHARACTER FLAW.You cannot and will not be TRUSTED.Remember this.

 

2-KEEP THE BOSS INFORMED: Such as about what you are doing,where you are,who you are to and why.Bomb the boss with all relevant information until he says ‘STOP’.No one has ever lost his job for telling the boss too much.

 

3- EMBRACE THE CHANGE: Even if you do not understand it.Any boss,as part of his job, instigate change.It is not your job to resist.

 

4-RESPECT BOSS’S TIME:If you need 30 minute with him,do not  take 60.Better yet,take 20.

 

5-DON’T TREAD ON HIS TURF: Atleast not without his permission.

 

6-FOLLOW UP QUICKLY: Bosses do not pull out a stop watch when they give a command.But,trust me,their internal clock is ticking.

 

7-VEILD COMMAND:Like most people,you probably have the good sense to obey a direct command.If the boss says ‘jump’ you jump.But the best bosses are not so crude.They want subordinate to think for themselves and,therefore,they do not give explicit orders.They imply.BE ALERT TO THIS.

 

8-BE A CALMING INFLUENCE: Being a calm voice is a wise strategy in almost any any situation.The more heated the other party is,the cooler you should be.If you can keep your head,while all those around you are losing theirs,YOUR AUTHORITY WILL ALWAYS EXCEED THEIRS.

 

9-STICK TO POINT:One of the easiest way to influence a situation is to help the participant stay in the subject.People gravitate not only to the wise person but to the disciplined one as well.

 

10-BE SELF STARTER: Do not rely on someone  else’s initiates.Take the initiatives yourself.In most group situations,the person who initiate a project or concept usually becomes the authority in the area.

 

11-PRAISE PEOPLE: Praise is a subtle and wonderfully effective way to gain influence over people.It is effective because three things happen when you praise someone.1- the person likes hearing it; 2- he likes you for saying it; 3- he wants to hear more.

 

12-RANCH ON ONE BOSS: Do not bet on  the ranch on one boss.Each of us knows employees who take advantage of their proximity or access to the head of their company.Having a mentor or ally in the top ranks can give your career a powerful boost.But billing your career on the boss is a double edged sword-please avoid it!!

 

13-USE THE BOSS: Bosses like to be used,no matter how isolated they seem or how far removed from day-to-day activity.Every boss loves to be given an opportunity to demonstrate that he or she can still hack it in the tenches.

 

14-ACT AS IF YOU HAVE INFLUENCE:As a general rule,if you want to become the boss,start acting like one.The people who go ahead are not necessarily smarter.They simply have a better understanding of this influence and they are not afraid to exercise it.While their rivals are making a recommendation,the winners are already in action.

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