“To build a good marriage, you need trust, love and acceptance. to build a bad one, you need dumb rules and unreal expectations.”
– Chirag Mohanty Samal
I totally agree with this proverb. if you are a happy married couple, you should agree that there is no single formula for a successful marriage. what works for you may not necessarily work for your friend. Your relatives may sound very sure about the formula, to a report published in a leading national daily in 2015, that in cities like Mumbai, Delhi, Bangalore, Kolkota. The number of divorce applications has doubled and even tripled. Reasons: Incompatibility issues to abuse.
This proves that conventional wisdom is wrong on what it takes to make a marriage work. A lot of rules have been spoken about;
- Keep peace at all costs.
- ‘Have a kid, it will solve problems.’
- ‘Don’t refuse sex.’
But these are based on unfounded optimism or fear.
NEITHER IS GOOD FOR A LONG PARTNERSHIP
In my view, its now time to ignore these popular marriage myths and find out what counsellors and relationship experts have to tell us about building a lasting bond.
‘ Having kids can strengthen your relationship’.
– Do your parents and in-laws insist you to have kids? This argument then may be familiar to you. But if you are facing a serious problem in your marriage, you should refrain from planning a baby with the hope that things will get better. As per a reputed clinical psychologist, marriage and relationship counsellor, “To have kids does not change a person’s basic nature or the basis of a relationship. It may work temporarily, but bringing up the children could be difficult and the moment the initial hubbub quietens, the troublesome behavior that was being suppressed will resurface”.
‘Sex is the basis of a good marriage’
– It is true that a good sex life can fasten intimacy and lay the foundation for a strong relationship, it cant make up for the other crucial deficiencies. As per a clinical psychologist, “Sex is one of the many important factors in a contemporary marriage. However, it is love that keeps a marriage intact. Sex is only the catalyst”. So don’t worry much if you have not been as active in this area as you were at the beginning of the relationship.
‘Don’t have any secrets’
– Honesty is a virtue, but so is discretion. There are certain things that we should better leave unsaid. “Every minute detail need not be shared, you never know how he might react to things he has not expected”. You are under no obligation to dish to tell your partner details about post relationships or reveal a secret that is not yours to share.
– When two people live together, there are bound to be differences. When these conflicts so arise, it is important to speak up and not bottle up your feelings. As a matter of fact, it is healthy to argue with your partner. It only shows that you communicate well and neither of you is constantly making emotional COMPROMISES.
My Message to you:
BE OPEN TO NEW PERCEPTIONS.