HOW TO CONTROL BAD TEMPER WITH YOUR CHILD?
Do you ever struggle with temper tantrum at your house? You know what they involve: Yelling,Screaming, Bad language,and all out loss of control until you almost cannot take it anymore and you just want to……put yourself in time out? Yes, I am talking about our own Parental “temper tantrums,which we all have been known to experience at one point or another as we raise our kids.Read children are notorious for bringing out the best in us as Parents. There are moments when we find we are better people because of them.We may model better behavior,be more honest,forgiving,caring and kind.And then there are also those moments too,when our kids bring out the very bad in us.These are the times when we are exhausted,overworked,stressed to levels we never know about-and the next thing we know are no calmer than the toddler-yelling and screaming,red faced and enraged.
HERE IS THE TRUTH
Losing your temper is a fact of life,one that is very normal.albeit upsetting-when it actually happens.
But there are solutions that can help you stay calm,balanced and under control.
FOLLOW THESE SIX STEPS AND YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO SEE A CHANGE IN YOUR APPROACH VERY SOON.
- RECOGNIZE YOUR TRIGGERS:
The first step to look at is why you lose temper.Understanding our triggers as adult is just as important as trying to find out what upsets our kids, so that we can help them control themselves.
2. FIND NEW WAYS TO COMMUNICATE:
Parents too often fall into bad communication habits we learnt from our own parents when we were growing up. These can include giving our kids the silent treatment, withdrawing from the family, giving very harsh punishments in the heat of the moment, yelling, sarcastic remarks, etc. it is very easy to fall into this pattern especially when you have a toddler screaming at you or a teenager getting into your face. But it is then important to remember that you are modeling how to deal with anger and frustration for your child, not just in the childhood or adolescence but for when they are adults as well.
This is not to say that you cannot express anger, disappointments or frustrations with your child. Sometimes, it is important that your kids know we are not happy, but we must find ways to express our feelings in an appropriate manner. When you fear you may not keep yourself under control- finding a way to stay calm is key. If you find a calming strategy that works for you, it can stop you from losing your temper.
- Walk away (literally): when you find you are about to lose it, walk away from your child. This will not only prevent you from taking a wrong path, it also models for your child an appropriate response when they are feeling overwhelmed themselves. For older kids, feel free to say. “you know I am not ready to talk to you about this right now. So, I am going to be alone for a few moments until I can calm down.”
- Practice deep breathing:
- Use deep breathing to calm yourself- it really works.
- Long-term strategies:
You can integrate physical exercise into your weekly routine for a long term calming practice. We are all busy, overworked, and short on time, but one way to be the best parent possible is to practice self-care. This can come in form of yoga, meditation, running, biking or simply walking.
3. Communicate calmly
Healthy communication relies on both you and your child being calm. So, do not approach them, if they are still raging at you or you are still angry to talk. You can keep your comments brief and to the point for both young children and adolescents as well.
4. Choose your battles
Our own tantrums are too often born out of parents feeling frustrated by getting upset over every little annoying thing your child does. One way to combat this is to really think hard about what is important to try to enforce and what you can just let go of in regard to your child.
For younger kids, there are a lot of daily behaviors that can be frustrating: at this stage, kids are messy, they cry easily, they have meltdown, and they can be grouchy, high school kids are messy- they can be moody, irresponsible and unfocused. You should tell them about your family values and can decide what is important to tackle.
It is important that your child completes chores, has an atleast semi- clean room and is respectful. If so, then make it clear what your expectations are and let the occasional mess, the roll of the eyes, the moody behavior go back behind you.
Apologize when you are in the wrong:
One of the greatest gifts you can give to your child is knowing when to admit that you have done something wrong and apologizing. Some parents have to struggle with this. They think that if they apologize, they are giving up their power or showing weakness. But you should then ask yourself what is it you want to teach your child or what kind of legacy you want to pass on. It is obvious that we want our kids to know when they have wronged someone and teach them the importance of an apology.
THERE IS NOTHING MORE POWERFUL THAN A PARENT ADMITTING THEIR FAULTS AND OFFERING A SINCERE APOLOGY.
DEMONSTRATION OF THIS TYPE OF HUMILITY SHOWS A CHILD THAT WE ARE ALL HUMAN AND EVEN PARENTS CAN MAKE MISTAKES.